Sad

Yesterday my baby turned 4, and the sadness I felt at the end of the day crushed my chest like a ton of bricks. How did this happen? Where have the last 4 years gone? Why haven't the other 10 birthdays I've celebrated with my children made me feel this way? Who knows?

We are done having kids and permanent measures have been put in to place to ensure that no surprises occur, and I am good with that decision. But there's always an overwhelming finality that engulfs me when something happens for the last time. Never again will I have a baby. Never again will any of my children turn 4. The list is endless.

I'm sure this feeling will pass. I was having too many good days in a row anyway, I was due for a few dark ones. In the meantime I will look at this picture of my baby girl and try to think of all the adventures that lay ahead, and try not to dwell on the ones that won't happen again.